Reasons This Community Matters & Gratitude- A Week in the Making

A week in the making…

I started the draft last Friday. I did most of the work on the update Monday… and have pulled it up each day sense. Completion isn’t my strong suit this week. Last week was surprisingly rough, and it’s taking all of this week to catch our breath. Next week there are 6 medical appointments - so hopefully we’ll have our feet back under us before then, as we will be busy.

Half of this update somehow got deleted. It was too long as it was. The annoying thing is that the half deleted is the half I edited! I have the rough outline elsewhere and will review it to integrate important pieces next week. I’ve decided that powers beyond me are determining these to be the important pieces you need to hear now, and will trust that right now, when you are reading this is the right timing. It will be a small weight off me to have this sent and I hope something in here connects with you and adds depth or a bit of brightness to your weekend.

Since it has taken all the way to Friday - Mother’s Day will be one of the top things we’ll touch on. If you’ve been in my sphere for awhile, you know I could write a lengthy post on mother’s day. However, this year- tonight - I don’t have that in me. So we’ll do some simple thoughts and wishes -

Deep wells of love and gratitude to all the mothers out there raising humans and contributing to their well being, I have so much respect for you and what you do each day.

Deep wells of understanding for anyone grieving this holiday; from those who always thought they would be a mother, or deeply crave that role, and have met challenges; to those who have lost their mothers; to those who have complex relationships with their children. Love to each of you; I hope you find ways to honor your experience today and feel seen, even as you celebrate and give love to others.

Depths of Gratitude!!

We were grateful to receive a number of packages this past week—from wonderful small pillows that help to prop my head (still useful even at this stage of my recovery) from a friend back east, to a magnificent package from one of my dear friend's moms. She not only sent us the Juven, which is really key to my healing, but also a fabulous wrap skirt that I'm excited about, and coffee for Robie, which we love! It means a lot that y’all are honoring Robie and all of his contributions, it’s touching that you see and appreciate that. He was impressed with all the package held—something for my healing, something to thank him, and also something that felt a bit decadent (yet also necessary as I have such a need for clothing that will work right now)—a beautifully balanced package.

My dear friend I've had since high school, who was in my wedding, also sent us zero gravity recliner chairs so I can actually recline on my own because they are so easy to operate. I am thrilled. We love our Adirondack chairs, but there's no way I can get in and out of them until at least August. These fabulous, happy chairs that I can sit in are also mobile, so we can take them with us to the park. I can't be standing for very long as we all know, so they will be appreciated and used in many ways ! Just mentally add the audio to the picture “Look - no hands!!” (ya know I value y’all when I’m willing to share a picture like this). - Oh - and the pillows are on the couch, too!

We used one of our cash dinner donations to order a food box last week as well, and Robie cooked for me three times in the past week! It has been such a treat.

I got spoiled on our anniversary when Robie cooked, so I’m pleased he’s carried that tradition forward (I put another order in for a box today!!). Hopefully, going forward, we can have a meal or two a week that Robie can carve out time to prepare.

It's been a beautiful week of feeling loved and treasured, getting contributions on Go Fund Me from folks I knew back in the day in Boston, and receiving these fabulous gifts to help make things flow easier for us. We even got another gift card to Door Dash from Robie’s brother & his wife! We now have $200 in gift cards to Door Dash from a few resources and realized we need to get that app downloaded (yep, we made it this far - all the way through the pandemic - without ever using it!). We’ve also had a couple of meals delivered by Robie's coworkers (pizza!), and one of them was delicious homemade Mexican food, which he loves—he was so thrilled about the hot sauce! She made a special effort to keep it separate because I don't do spicy. Everybody was happy.

KEEPING IT REAL

As some of you may know, Robie's mom, Terri, went to the hospital just over a week ago. Out of love and respect for her, we won't share many of the details, but she's had a number of little things that haven't been going well and as a result will require more supports before she can transition home. This was the biggest reason last week was so rough.

Our largest concern is for Terri and her well-being. She was so wonderful to come and sit with me in the hospital and help some at the house when I first came home. It has been painful for both of us that we haven't been able to travel to be with her. My DVT means traveling is not a good idea for me, in addition to the fact that, in general, it's hard for me to stay places and function because I need so many specialized items (shower chair, shower head on a handle, recliner…) to prop me up and care for me even at this stage in my recovery. Communication has also been challenging because of all that's going on with her and Robie has spoken to her Doctor more than he’s spoken to her. My Dad has been instrumental in supporting Terri and has visited her daily when he is in town. So grateful to him. He’s who first informed us she was in the hospital and how Robie was first able to speak to her. (For those that have wondered - they have only ever met because of us!) He told Robie - you take care of mine and I’ll take care of yours. ❤️ 

So if you are looking for things to pray about, send love, and support around; this is a big one. We'll definitely be doing a big shout out to her soon on social media, so come join us there and send her lots of love and well wishes because she's very dear to us, and it's very hard for us that we can't be there to support her more.

We also learned that my wound care and healing is going to take a minimum of 4 months. This was hard to hear. This puts us into the middle of August and it’s time-consuming to care for these wounds. So, it puts a slight damper on things, even as my everyday activities are increasing. I’d already planned on this taking 3 months, accepting it will take 4 months will take some adjusting. I’m also learning that what I thought was normal… is not. So when I’ve been referencing the 8-14 hours that Robie has been caring for me - everyone else can be hopeful that anyone else choosing this reconsruction may not require as much or as intense.

We still have another surgery that originally we were told would be 3-4 months after the first. The way things went just after surgery they were saying 10-12 months, but with Robie’s TLC some things have gone better than expected, so I'm hoping I’ll be well enough it can happen by October. I would really love for all of this to be contained to 2025… wouldn’t that be amazing (one more thing to add to your prayer list!)? Regardless, we keep moving forward. Healing is important and takes up a lot of space. Minimizing stress in my world and prioritizing healing will remain the plan. Please pray for this.

SAYING GOODBYE TO A BELOVED FAMILY MEMBER

I don't know about you, but our family has been lucky to have "found family" — the people that have been part of our lives—our "aunts" and "grandmas" that weren't biologically related, but have been there for us and meant as much to us as people who may receive those titles by birth.

One of them was my mom's best friend, Marlene. She was such a delightful woman—sweet and calm, but also fiesty and a force when she needed to be. She was my mental picture of a matriarch most of my life. She had two daughters, and in most of my memory her older daughter also had a daughter, and the four of them all lived together in this enviable land of women. They'd moved to California from New Mexico some time in my teen years and once they were closer to Oregon, we saw them more. I always cherished our times with them.

Marlene and her older daughter flew to Vegas when I threw a celebration for my mother's 50th birthday. Marlene also came to the Oregon Coast for my 30th birthday party. She and her daughter helped cook the food for my sister's wedding, and most importantly, she was the person who left her life and literally moved in with my mom when my mother battled breast cancer twenty years ago. She was that friend.

I still remember my mom's excitement when she travelled to be in Marlene's wedding when I was in elementary school. That was the only wedding I remember my mom being in, and she was so excited. It was so cute that she got to travel and do that—the only time in my childhood I remember my mom taking a girl's trip.

I got to visit Marlene and her daughters in July, I’m so grateful I took that opportunity. Robie got to meet them all on a trip to California solely for that purpose just before the pandemic hit (back when I did travel frequently). Marlene has always been this icon and special important person in our life, and it was so hard as she was getting closer to her final days. Her daughter was so good about communicating with me and with us, yet I was unable to travel to be there to support her family. To do the things you do when things like that happen. It was very hard. It still is hard. My dad and sister drove down and were able to show their love and support and be with her when she passed. It’s hard to imagine a life circumstance that would have prevented me from showing up - but this cancer, and this recovery… it is keeping me from things.

But I'm super grateful that we had Marlene, that she was such a part of our life. When she passed last Saturday morning, two days before her birthday, we definitely lost a beautiful soul on this planet, and my mother gained her dearest friend. So I'm pleased that they're together. It’s been a week of mourning.

STANDING WITH SHAWNA

I’ve been warned that including your children in #StandingWithShawna is dangerous - they get up easily without their hands and may mock their parents. Tee Hee😆. I still love the aspect of doing it together and appreciate the friends who are in shape and let me know they still think of me as they do it with ease.

I’m determined to continue standing without my hands long after I heal and can use my arms… I think it’ll be my secret to living to 107. 😂 

If you don’t know what I’m talking about or haven’t started yet - there’s still time - check out the original post - https://being-honest.beehiiv.com/p/no-place-like-home - you’ll find it at the end!!

Grateful for Community

Your messages, cards, and support continue to be the brightest spots in my days. Each note reminds me that I'm not walking this path alone, and your kindness fuels my determination. Thank you for being my circle of warriors—I feel your strength when mine wavers.

Until next week,

With gratitude and grit,

Shawna